Rollins Teaser – “Lucifer’s Lexicon” (updated)

UPDATED on 05/04/2008

In addition to the eponymous monograph, The Myth of Natural Rights and Other Essays will include a generous assortment of rare and never-before-published writings by L.A. Rollins, perhaps the most notable — if not the most notorious — being an "updated abridgment" of the underground classic, Lucifer’s Lexicon.

Here follows a small selection of newly-minted nuggets for the craw:

Banquet, n. – 1. A sumptuous feast.  2. A presumptuous frozen dinner.

Dualism, n.
– Duelism.

Godfearing, adj. – Afraid of nothing.

Holocaust revisionist, n. – One who denies being a denier.

Hurricane, n. – An act of God, which proves that God is a terrorist, an evildoer who should be put down like a mad dog.

Islamofascist, n. – A Muslim follower of Mussolini.

Jesus Christ, n. – The sin of God.

Jungian, n. – One who is a Freud of his own shadow.

Koran, the, n. – A holy source of toilet paper, like The Bible, The Talmud,  The Book of Mormon, the Urantia book, etc.  The Koran is also useful for children’s games of "kick the Koran."

L.D.S., n. –  A psychedelic drug more dangerous than L.S.D.

Legislation, n. – The poetry of power.

Liberal, n. – One who believes a woman has the right to kill her fetus, but not with a gun.

Moral Compass, n. – A direction-detecting device used by American and Israeli pilots to find bombing targets. 

Mithras, n. – An ancient savior-god who stabbed the bull, as distinguished from Jesus, who shot it. 

Ombudsman, n. – A watchdog without teeth who works for the thief.

Our Troops, n. pl. – Our thugs and assassins. Of course, we all support our brave thugs and assassins, because we are all cowardly conformist cunts, aren’t we?

Politically Correct, adj. – Intellectually crippled.

Satan, n. – The son, not the father, of lies.

Senseless Murder, n. – A murder that makes no sense, as distinguished from a sensible murder, the only kind of murder that a sensible person, wearing sensible shoes, would commit.

Solipsist, n. – 1. One who has only himself to blame. 2. One for whom masturbation is the only kind of sex possible.

Sour Grapes, n. pl. – Fruits, which when fermented, produce fine whines.

Suffer, v. – 1. To be human, according to Buddah. 2 To be a Jew, according to Judah.

Village, n. – What it takes to raise a village idiot.

Weapons of Mass Destruction, n. pl.  – The most dangerous weapons of all, so dangerous that they constitute an intolerable threat, even when they don’t exist.

Work ethic, n. – Slave morality.

Memento mori.

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